Online roommate finder ads are known for being rather bizarre, at best. Here are five of the funniest roommate listings we’ve found online.
- The Not-Quiet Spicy Roommate
You know you’re on to a real winner when the poster starts stating exactly which spices you can’t use in the apartment. This “wealthy but rather lonely” plastic surgeon took to writing a novel’s worth of rules. Besides strict spice regulations, roommates could not have newspapers or magazines indoors since the gloss irritates his eyes.
- The Room Has Walls and Ceilings
In this next roommate finder website post, the writer realized that it can take a little pizazz to make a room stand out in the melee of smalls ads, especially if the best thing going for the room is hot water and flooring. In this rather enthusiastic post, the roommate was so enthusiastic, he or she just had to use Caps to advertise, “we got ELECTRICITY. POWER ALL YOUR APPLIANCES.” Apparently prospective roommates would not need firewood or candles as the room came with “HEAT” and “LIGHTS.”
The excitement over carpeting was immense, too, as the poster stated, “I don’t want my feet to be cold when I get out of bed at night. Carpet. So soft. Transcends the walking barefoot experience.”
Come to think of it, anyone this excited over flooring must be fun to live with, right?
- The “You Need to Fail a Criminal Background” Roommate
We had to mention this one. Sometimes, it would seem, the best way to go about posting on a roommate finder website is reverse psychology. One frustrated Seattle renter took to Craigslist, irritated with his usual ads that he claimed had gone and brought out “the crazies.” So this roommate opted to ask for the crazies, hoping at least one normal person would reply.
With this somewhat backward logic, requirements for a roommate included “enough pets to classify the room as a small zoo.”
- No Sleeping With The Roommates
It’s always a bad idea to respond to those roommate finder ads looking for sexual relations, particularly when there’s always a “casual encounters” column close by. But just in case there was a lack of clarity, this roommate made it the most essential rule for living with him. After a couple of lines along the lines of “pull your weight, you slacker” and “be polite to your roommate,” complete with a few choice names, came the thou-shalt-not-sleep-with-thy-roommate rule.
Most of us know this instinctively. But, if our modern minds require logical arguments, then this poster ensured her clarified all we needed to know by telling posters that if things went bad between the roommates, one would have to move out, and you’re most likely only going to have relations because it is convenient, indicating you have no friends to fix you up, no life, pretty much no social skills to meet a person in the real life you are clearly lacking.
This advert was laughingly ruthless, but also a little commonsensical – until the author decided to do a complete 180 spend over four paragraphs explaining to readers just why sleeping with a roommate actually rocks!
- The Best Roommate That Ever Lived
While a 25-year-old professional marketing agent may not sound like an amazing roommate prospect, this roommate finder poster is one who possibly had the funniest introduction of all time. Read it here.
Best of all, this poster was not exaggerating. Besides making yellow squash carpaccio and zucchini that was bound to kick a new roommate’s socks off, this guy absolutely adores everyone and everything from vegetarians to Kurt Vonnegut, “getting baked” listening to Pink Floyd and Bob Dylan and even Tuesdays with Morrie. And while this guy’s from Alabama, he was pretty eager to make it very clear he was not at all racist, with the line “I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist.” Apparently loving people, according to the poster, was all that is needed to be a secular humanist, and it’s not a requirement to like other human beings or want to help them for no reason other than they are humans. We wonder if he loves carpets as much as the first guy, too?
But In All Seriousness, Try a Reliable Roommate Finder Website
While these five posts are a lot of fun, they’re probably not really what you’re looking for in a roommate finder website, right? Register with Your New Roommate and take advantage of reliable postings, genuine roommates and landlords and handy functions to help you find the perfect roommate match.